The Diaries of a Village Idiot

" I Smell A Rat "

2012-02-12T09:26:00.000+02:00

Seems that Juju is still shouting the odds as the leader of the ANC Youth league, I am confused isn’t he supposed to be suspended for 14 days so that he can appeal the decision of the ANC disciplinary committee that stripped him of his leadership roll of the youth league? Malema says that perhaps he is guilty of thinking and that’s why the ANC found him guilty.......Juju no one can ever accuse you of “thinking”.....seriously if you had another brain cell it would be lonely.

“Only the ANC Youth League has the right to dismiss its leaders, its embattled leader Julius Malema told delegates at the league's three-day lekgotla in Pretoria on Friday. "If the youth says we must step down and resign, we are prepared to step down."

To applause, Malema said the leadership had effectively been found guilty of abiding by the resolutions of the league's 24th congress held in 2011. "The basic lesson we have learned is that of democratic centralisation... we are guilty of thinking." He said if the ANC had the right to fire the league's leaders, then it should be appointing the leadership which, he pointed out, it did not. I have heard that Malema is not an ANC Youth League member in good standing as he is 3 years behind in his subscriptions ( a hefty R36.00) R12.00 per year is the fee to belong to a Group of Morons.

So I was in EL from Sunday to Wednesday, Ryan hired a car as one of his cars has broken and there was just to much stuff to take on the bike. Got to EL and Carl (owns Tindale Lodge) was at Selbornians old boys club so we popped in there to have a couple of “lemonades” and meet a few of his mates. Training went ok and we took a goof at Nahoon reef on Monday, water was ok but water very dirty due to rivers that came down in flood after all the rain we had. Was really hot and battled to sleep Monday and Tuesday nights. Wednesday we drove home, passed this “sign fail” that was situated on Buffalo pass and the reason I don’t want to take bus trips.

Here is a good word to use when describing that person who if you have snorkelled he is a scuba diver etc etc, you know the kind of person I am talking about, well there is a name for them now you can call them FIGJAM......................”Fuck I’m good Just ask me”

News from the UK: London – 1) Atheists were celebrating victory in a landmark test case in Britain on Friday after challenging the right of a town council to hold prayers before meetings. The National Secular Society and an atheist councillor challenged the practice of Bideford town council in Devon, southwest England, of having religious prayers on meeting agendas. The legal challenge was launched in July 2010 after the NSS was contacted by Clive Bone, a non-believer who was then a councillor in Bideford.

2) While we have been receiving sooooooo many snow photos from family in London we need to remember it’s been F%$##ing cold with hundreds of people across Europe succumbing to the cold. Think my family are getting too acclimatised into UK culture, happy to see snow and commenting about how beautiful it is, is showing me that the roots are no longer like fine roots just attached enough to get what you need from the soil your attached to, but are starting to take root and dig deeper into the way of life that the UK offers....................”Tap roots”

3) Now I know why so many South Africans settle in UK, it’s because plenty of Poms (football players as well as there yobo supporters) are Racists, the England Captain has been stripped of his captaincy due to him allegdgedly racially abusing a player of colour, this lead to Fabio Capello resigning as England Coach and has been replaced by caretaker coach Stuart Pearce who it would also seem is a Racist having abused Paul Ince in a game a number of years ago So the England football team was plunged into a new racism storm on Thursday night after Stuart Pearce was named as caretaker manager following Fabio Capello's resignation, according to a report in The Sun. Pearce, 49, had to apologise to Paul Ince for allegedly racially abusing him when both were players. The incident bears striking similarities to the racist rant charge facing John Terry, stripped of the England captaincy pending his court case. Hell iIcould not live in such a backward and racist country one that pretends to be a accepting and open society.

Don’t stress Doug, not getting into Defcon 4 mode regards the Island, but every now and again I need to stir just a little, otherwise it really gets Frikken boring. Enjoy seeing the photos and happy that you guys love the snow, we prefer the Sun and the Surf, but I suppose you Have to learn to live with and enjoy the weather etc that you are given or have made a choice to accept.

Saturday went to watch the EP Kings (local rugby side) play the Stormer’s at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium The EP Kings lost 31/13, was not impressed by the Stormer’s or the EP kings as a matter of fact. The games are pre-season warm ups and next week Friday the Kings play the Sharks. We did however discover that Western province/Stormers fans do in fact drink pink drinks, as you can imagine we gave these gents a gentle ribbing aboutb their choice of thirst – quencher.

Seem to have been seeing plenty of really unsafe scaffolding this last couple of weeks, or maybe it’s because now I am in the safety business I just focus on that. One I saw I was unable to take a photo as we were travelling along a road with plenty traffic, but this one I did manage to get.

Going to relax today and do some prep work for an Incident investigation course that I have to present next week as well as get some items ready for a SHE Rep competition that Vusi and I are judging on Thursday for the Port authorities. Will also be attending the prize giving and gala dinner “Free Food”. Will probably also go to the Gym later today as Tania has signed us up for a 3 year contract so will go check the place out and get some advice how when I can come out of the bathroom with a towel around my waist Tania can say to me “Stephen you look just like a Greek God” and not “Stephen you look just like a Greek”

Oh yeah check this children’s playground “Fail” I was riding past yesterday dropping Ryan at home after the Rugby and saw this so decided to stop on way home and take a photo. Just had a good laugh as I am writing this I am watching a documentary called ‘pussy people” .............................................Woah boy get down its about cats.

“Shit” news just in from Los Angeles - Pop legend Whitney Houston, who was found dead on Saturday, was the vocal star of a generation whose soaring voice broke records and inspired millions of fans before substance abuse sent her on a downward spiral..............RIP Whitney you were a legend and had an amazing voice.

Anyway that’s it for this week

Cioa

SPAD

D.I.Y

2012-02-05T11:13:00.000+02:00

Those three letters strike fear into my heart every time I hear them because I know a) it will mean I have to spend Money, b) it will lead to much swearing and arguments c) after battling for hours and hours on what should have been a 30 minute job what you have had to do looks nothing like what you had in your mind.

Yes I am talking about........................... “Do it yourself” or in my case “Destroy it yourself”

There is a Huge Builders Warehouse not too far from my house (in fact I can see it from my bedroom balcony) and let me tell you that its probably one of the most visited shops in PE. Over weekends and Public Holidays one battles to find a parking bay and then you have to battle the hordes that throng the various departments ranging from gardening to plumbing. If there is a Sale then its even worse.

Probably worse than actually doing the DIY is looking for the items that you need to get the job done, as a guy I get a feeling you’re supposed to know all the technical names for parts and tools that you need to get the job done and asking for a “metal thingy that hooks onto a goodgymebob to ensure the dingamalairy does not fall off” does not go down well with a staff member who will invariably give you a “WTF” is this tool talking about. So embarrassed to ask anyone I go in search of the items I need, sometimes (but very rarely) I get lucky and find what I am looking for quickly but most times its like searching for the Holy Grail and then when you do find it you have to decide what size, shape and colour do I need. The worst for me is screws, wall plugs and drill bits as I never ever seem to be able to match the items up to the job, they are either too long, short, not thick enough, or the wrong type. As I have said I always get the wrong ones and that means another trip and you just know that ten sales staff are saying to themselves “look at that asshole”.........”Take a sample” I hear you say, yeah yeah I always say that when I am cursing under my breath (but more often than not so most people within a 12 km radius can hear me).

Once you have chosen the items you need and have persuade yourself that they are in fact the right item/s you trudge off to go and pay for those items, this in itself a mission as the queue is half a km long.

Don’t you just love shops that have a 5km walk to the tills and they then line that pathway with shelves of items you would not normally even consider buying but because you are moving along slowly you end up at the till with a number of items that seem to have jumped up into your arms. If you have kids it must be a nightmare as the shops always seem to place the “as I kid I want” items at eye level for those 3-5 year olds that will not take no for an answer and instead of having a fight in a queue with a toddler who is turning blue because they have decided to hold their breaths.

The Marketing department of that shop know that most parents will get embarrassed and not want to have social services called on them by some irate customer so they give in and buy 2 of each which then means you have to put the purchases on 6 month budget or call the bank manager for an extension to your home loan..

Monday afternoon the wind came up and we had a windy afternoon in PE, the sort were you don’t take a Yorkshire terrier for a walk, 108kms per hour at Casa Dunkley and that’s ok unless you have unpacked boxes on the weekend and put those boxes outside to be collected on Wednesday. Got SMS from Tania and I quote “ Winds are 105 per hour. The boxes outside the house are gone! We had to pick up all Gabby’s old schoolbooks you left in the boxes. Were spread up and down the street!! Phew. The swimming pool looked like it had not been cleaned in months and the one downpipe will need replacing. We are doing a stock take on the washing that was on the line at the time, so far we think we have lost 3 socks, a T shirt and a pair of knickers. Tania said the Bunny hunkered down and kept low.............”obviously did not want to become a dust bunny”!

Gave Ryan a lift home on the scooter, that was also interesting due to the fact that the bush at Willows/Overbaakens area caught fire and was blowing all the way towards home, in fact going through 3^rd avenue dip with 2 up and a smog that you could cut a knife with is always going to be an interesting proposition, add 100km + winds and it becomes an adventure sport.

Been a busy week this week, with SAMTRAC week 2 and then meetings regards my KPA (Key Performance assessment), as well as one with TNPA regards facilitating. I also had to get study material ready for Haz Chem, HIRA and job observations as well as assess Intro to SAMTRAC papers from the week before last. Worked on Saturday as well presenting Hazardous chemical workshop to a local company, I am always happy to earn some extra R.

Has rained basically nonstop from Wednesday to Saturday and have had 70 mm of rain, was a nice soft rain, got soaked twice on the scooter but it’s a small price to pay for the rain we need.

Today (Sunday) is trip to EL until Wednesday and the training in Office on Thursday and Friday, so “No rest for the wicked” as they say in the classics.

Borrowed a book from my Regional Manager about 3 months ago that I wanted to read to help me with my facilitating and learning in general. 2 days ago Tania asked me to give it back to him as I had not read it..........to be honest I forgot I had it. What is the book called? ................ “Super Memory”. I am reading a good book at the moment, it’s called the “Bang Bang Club” it’s about photographers during the period late eighties and early nineties. Excellent read.

After work on Saturday went to Ryan’s place and had a Braai, and watched the opening games of the 6 Nations, with France besting Italy and England beating Scotland. With a Botha and a Barrit playing for the Poms and at least 4 Sefricans playing for the Italians we could chose an overseas team just from those playing for the 6 nations teams.

Regards Sports this week, It seems that the EP Super Kings will be competing in the Super 15 next year, Oh Yeah O Yeah, some Awesome rugby right on my doorstep , How cool is that, the next 3 weekend they are playing the Blue Bulls , Stormers and Sharks as warm up games for those teams prior to start of this year’s Super 15. The EP Kings played the Blue Bulls in a warm up match on Saturday and the Bulls held on for a 16-12 win, the Cheetahs beat the Stormers 22-14 at Newlands. Next week the EP Kings play the Stormers here in PE.

A stampede at an Egyptian football game resulted in the deaths of 74 people, and injured over 1,000 on Wednesday night in Port Said. Politicians lashed out at a lack of stadium security in the fixture between home team al-Masry and Al Ahly, as fans stormed the field after the match. Many of the casualties were as a result of being trampled, as rival fans fought throughout the stadium, including on the pitch, but others were killed after being thrown off upper parts of the stadium. Forty-seven people were arrested after the violence was quelled. Deputy health minister Hesham Sheiha quite aptly described it as “the biggest disaster in Egypt's soccer history”.

I see the Sunday papers headlines are that Juju has been stripped of his powers as ANC youth league leader, wonder if Juju and his big mate Cyril Ramaphosa will look to start their own ‘we hate all and everything about whites” party. Let’s hope that Juju goes quietly.

While I am finishing this Blog off I am watching Steve Erwins dangerous adventures.....................”what a twat” I mean when you sit next to a Hippo carcass so you can get close to a Nile Crocodile, not just a Crocodile mind you, but a Frikken Feeding frenzy.............i am surprised it was just a stingray that killed him.

Breaking news from the States: ‘New York has legalised Marijuana” – see photo.

Ok gotta go

Have a great week

SPAD

Just a load of Bull ?

2012-01-29T11:25:00.000+02:00

So it looks like Heyneke Meyer (Current Blue Bulls coach) has been chosen by the clever ones to take over the job as coach of the Bokke from Helium, not that I know much (about rugby, or anything for that matter) but I would have gone for the current Lions coach Mr John Mitchell, but then I suppose that there is some obscure clause in the SARFU coaching rules that a foreign (and possible gay man) thats the rumour cannot be coach of the Bokke. Anyway it seems that while SARFU want Heyneke, the Blue Bulls hierarchy don’t want to lose his services so a bun fight is in the making, of that you can be sure . (News just in Heyneke Meyer is the new Bok coach and first game the Boks will play this year will be against the Poms on June 9. Seems that Victor Matfield is so happy that his old Blue Bulls coach is now the Bok coach he is considering coming out of retirement to play under him in the Bok setup..............hope not)

Staying with Rugby, this new is No Surprise whatsoever although I am a little upset that we won’t get the pleasure of giving this asshole carrots.............. Controversial New Zealand referee Bryce Lawrence will not travel to South Africa to officiate Super Rugby matches after he refereed the Springboks in their 11-9 Rugby World Cup quarter-final defeat against Australia.

South African rugby fans slammed Lawrence and blamed him for ending the Springboks reign as World Cup champions. Lawrence received threats over email and on Facebook and was heavily criticised by Springbok captain John Smit and former World Cup final referee Andre Watson. While Lawrence became public enemy No 1 in South Africa with rugby fans in SA, in New Zealand he won the NZRU Referee of the Year award for a fourth time. According to the Rugby Week website, Lawrence has been given his match schedule for the upcoming Super rugby series and Lawrence has revealed that he is not listed to control any games in South Africa.

Lawrence said that while he wanted to travel to South Africa to deal with the criticism and get that over and done with, he understands that SANZAR have left him off the list for South Africa as they do not want any distractions from their tournament.

Seems that these two cars had their number plates swopped at registration ???

Monday to Wednesday was not that interesting I presented SAMTRAC solo for the first time with nothing really interesting happening.

So it was AUSTRALIA DAY on Thursday and while the White Aussies were celebrating the original inhabitants who are called The Aboriginals were not as ecstatic about how Australia has panned out for them since the arrival of Pommie Prisoners all those years ago. Always feel the Aussies (who were one of the biggest opponents of Apartheid) themselves suppressed their own indigenous population by hunting them down, taking their children away to be “civilised” by giving the kids to White “Christian families” In those days White and Christian were seen as the same etc etc so I always laugh when I see the “Abbo’s” as they are called by the Aussie “Settlers” demonstrate and bemoan the fact that live in squalid conditions and are not subject to same favourable conditions as the Whites ...........................”Happy Australia day mate”

Thursday was a busy day, the House and Home department at Greenacres caught fire and was burning till late on Thursday, the fire not only affected their store but 26 other stores in the Greenacres mall. With payday weekend here this weekend I can imagine the lost business that these businesses are experiencing due to either smoke or fire damage as well as lost sales due to that part of the Mall being closed for clean up. The one shop that I hope has a “fire Sale” is Bargain books that is right next door to House and Home.

Perhaps the excitement of Thursday was that I ended up in Emergency ward of Greenacres hospital (no I did not start of the fire or involved in any way). Got to work and from what I can gather opened the door (I was the first one their) and was found by Chantelle who thought I was joking, to cut a long story short Ryan called Tania and then he and Theuns took me to the hospital were they did tests and hooked me up to an EKG machine etc etc. Seems my heart is strong like a Bull but I need to take care of my stress levels and eat healthier. I was booked off for two days and Ryan took over my SANTRAC class for Thursday and Friday. as you can see they stuck on electrodes to do the EKG that really hurt when i oulled them off, sort of now know what waxing is all about (was worse than taking off an elastoplast).

As always when you get a big scare you get a wakeup call and a new lease on life that wanes and disappears until the next wakeup call so having had this scare I thought about my Bucket list (that’s the list you want to do before you “Kick the Bucket”) so here are my top 10, in no particular order (Own a Harley Davidson, Ride a Harley on Route 66 in the USA with Tania, Hold My daughters first born, Parachute, have a best seller book, start a successful OHS business, Do a King Swing from Stormsriver bridge, Go to a F1 or Bike GP (any country will do), learn to surf properly, Go to Mozambique to see where Daniel Roxo lived) those are mine , what are yours ??????

Those of you that know Solly Philander (SA coloured Comedian) know that he has bushy hair and a white patch on it, now those of you without Alzheimers will remember a short while back a South African Drug Mule was nabbed overseas for transporting Cocaine in her dreadlocks, the reason she was caught is because one of the customs officials got suspicious seeing white powder (much like dandruff) in her hair. MR Philander must get stopped all the time, next time I see him I will ask.

Looks like the fiasco of having 3 planes used to get Zuma to the US a week or so ago will not happen again (don’t believe them) I mean what other Frikken President of a county who flies somewhere with 3 planes............WTF ? 10 million rand is the estimated cost to get him to the States, who decided this, must be great to b able to spend money like that when you didn’t Frikken earn it. What’s even worse is that they tried to deny the whole thing.................”Assholes”.

“While it took three jets, 16 pilots and at least 18 cabin crew members to get President Jacob Zuma New York and back two weeks ago, this week he flew to Qatar, Switzerland and Ethiopia on a Single plane. There was no sign of the two shadow planes that were apparently needed to ensure that Zuma arrived on time in New York. According to conservative estimates, there were three pilots, one flight engineer and two cabin crew on Inkwazi - Zuma’s Boeing business jet - for the New York trip. A complete relief crew was sent on ahead to take over from the first crew.

The Airbus A340 that followed Inkwazi to Las Palmas in the Canary Islands had three pilots. Another three pilots and eight crew members were sent ahead to Las Palmas as relief crew. The Bombardier Global Express that followed Zuma and his party from New York, had four pilots and four crew cabin crew members. Now it appears the presidential business jet will function as it has over the last few years: alone, with a crew on duty and a relief crew”

Looks like the EP Kings have signed Earl “Michael Jackson” Rose to play for them this season, but hopefully the EP Kings may be playing the Sharks on 17 February as well as a couple of other warm up games prior to the Super 15 and the Vodacom Cup. There is also talk that midyear the Super 15 team Western Force will play some games against them as well.

On Saturday Ryan helped me (actually he did most of the work) to build book shelves for the upstairs room that I will use for my military items and book work, must say they look great and Tania is happy that I don’t have boxes of books lying all over (the room was a mess). Late afternoon went for a swim at Sards and then just chilled.

Love this quote "South Africa is the only country in the world where affirmative action is in the favour of the majority who has complete political control. The fact that the political majority requires affirmative action to protect them against a 9% minority group is testament to a complete failure on their part to build their own wealth making structures, such that their only solution is to take it from others."

This is another headline that we may have seen before. “Army to run our hospitals” seems that hospitals don’t have enough Dr’s Sound familiar? Getting upset because your saying to yourself “surely we can’t let this continue” well before you pop a vein in the forehead the headlines comes from an Pommie Expat paper, yeah I know the island is getting the army to take over its accident and emergency department because there are not enough Dr’s to do the jobs. Would seem that Dr’s earn less (working for the NHS) after 7 years of studying etc than someone who comes out of school does a Business management course and then goes out and gets a well paying job.

Then I was watching a documentary on TV about Vigilante groups growing because that people have no faith left in the Police force who seem not to care about the local communities. So with confidence in the police being able to make a difference at a all time low with only 2 out of every 100 violent crimes being solved its no wonder that people are taking the law into their own hands...........Name of the documentary? “Vigilante Britain” –( Vigilante - Somebody who punishes lawbreakers personally rather than relying on the legal authorities). The UK has more people in Prison for violent crimes than all the Other European countries combined.

I am not a Manchester United fan so I always get excited when I see that they have been beaten, opened the news on the comp this morning and the first headline that caught my mind was this..... “A last-gasp goal from substitute Dirk Kuyt saw Liverpool snatch a 2-1 victory over Manchester United on Saturday as the Merseysiders booked their place in the last 16 of the FA Cup”.

This just in “The Free State health department is recalling over a million condoms delivered for the ANC's centenary celebrations, over concerns they may be sub-standard, City Press reported on Sunday”. So not only were there thousands of Pricks at the celebrations it would seem that thousands of Condoms had pricks in them”

Well that’s it for this week, next week is week 2 of SAMTRAC, hopefully I won’t keel over next week and have to visit the emergency ward again.

Ciao

SPAD

We are born, we live and we die, but not always in that order.

2012-01-21T23:12:00.000+02:00

Confused? Yeah so were we when we read this classic line in a village magazine. The line was in a short story written by the new editor of this particular magazine and it caused much mirth amongst the “clever” villagers , try as I may I have been unable to find the whole article as its one for the books, if I do eventually find it I will post it............. So anyway the Pole Polisher or little man as she was also known was not the sharpest knife in the drawer but she had one quality that the owner of the magazine was interested in.........................She had a Regina (sorry spell check went off line) so she became the editor..........................enough said.

So what’s been happening this week in the life of the Ex-Village idiot? ...............To be honest not much, been collecting some info on Daniel Roxo trying to make sense of some challenges that don’t make sense regards his life. It’s really difficult trying to write about someone who is dead and you find conflicting information. I have been training the whole week and feel like I need to drink a vat of Red Bull.

Gabby was going to compete in a Horse show this weekend and we woke up at 6 so I could take her to the farm to collect Mc Dougal and take him to Wild Olive Stables, Gabby walked him to the stables got him all ready for the day (fed him, groomed him, padded him up for the trip in the horsebox etc etc) only to get hugely disappointed because the horse would not get into the horsebox. Gabby had told Kiara (her instructor) as well as the owner of the horse box that Mc Dougal would only travel with one particular horse , they did not listen and the result is weeks of planning and preparation up in smoke, Gabby as you can imagine was very upset but to her credit accepted that sometimes “Shit happens” and you have to get on with it. I was very impressed with the way gabby had prepared and organised everything for this show.

You do not have to be Nostradamus or a Mayan to predict headlines for newspapers when it comes to the kids going back to school as they will always say something like

· Teachers to Strike

· Schools not ready

· Text books have not arrived

· 3 classes using 1 classroom

This newspaper headline of the Italian ship that capsized is a classic example of how the editorial and advertising staff should talk before they print the paper. The captain of the ship (an Italian) is being charged with murder abandoning ship and any other book they can throw at him. He should have stayed on the ship till the last person was rescued but being Italian he did what all good Italians do in a time of crisis...................”Run” I came across this Classic Winston Churchill quote about Italian cruise ships.........”Enjoy”

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship. “There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship said Churchill.First their cuisine is unsurpassed. Second their service is superb. And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first”.

Has been hot and humid this week and we have only had a few drops of rain so no relief yet. Next week I start week 1 of SAMTRAC, my first time “solo” so a little nervous.

Anyway a short Blog this week. Have a great week next week and remember we have to get past Mondays to get to the next weekend.

CIAO

SPAD

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

2012-01-15T15:22:00.000+02:00

Words from a song by “my Chemical Romance” and are they true ? Well probably, but I suppose it depends on the teenager. Talking about Teenagers the ANC celebrated 100 years as a party, 83 as a liberation/terrorist organization (depending on what side of the fence you sit) and 17 years as the ruling party. So the ANC as a government is in effect a Teenager and like a Teenager subject to mood swings, petulance and indecisiveness. The ANC like a teenager care about no one but themselves, so the criticism received about spending 100 million is shrugged off because you cannot reason with a teenager, if they think they are right (and that’s all the time) they just go into a don’t speak to me mode that ensures no further arguing or discussion.

So while the ANC were spending 100 million of tax payers money on a self gratification party some 300 km’s down the road ain a sleepy little village called Clarens (yes my village) service delivery protesters where burning tyres and blocking the road between Fouriesburg and Clarens, stoning cars and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Seems to be some difference of opinion as to why people were demonstrating in the first place apparently and according to sources in Clarens the ANC supporters were protesting because the ANC had not made arrangements for transport to come and collect them for the Bloemfontein Bash and DP members protesting the slow delivery of houses etc as well as the ineffectiveness of the ANC led municipality. I suppose the Clarens ANC members were also pissed off that they did not get free T shirts and a chicken lunch (the normal, “let’s keep the peasants happy” hand outs)

I have to say that I do understand those that are sick of waiting for the ANC led municipality to deliver on their promises while I was living there the following are just a couple of examples of how the people in Kgubestwana and Kanaana were made to suffer

· Sewage in streets

· Storm water drains with no covers

· RDP houses that were not completed because the contractor ran off with all the money (contractor was a friend of the Mayor)

· Local schools in the township are disgusting

· Football field that is meant for the community needs to be paid for to the municipality “in cash” before it can be utilised.

With 100 million being spent I wonder which “friends” of the ANC got rich on tenders and then getting someone else to do the work. The township residents call then Tentreupanears as they tender on a job and then they outsource the work to someone else, so for not doing the work they make a fortune (clever and a good job if you can get it) Below is the actual news report regards the protest

Today (Sunday 8/1/2012) we have arrested three people on charges of public violence. For now people are still blockading the road... we are monitoring the situation," said Sergeant Mmako Mophiring. Mophiring said the civil unrest started on Friday evening when about a hundred community members from the Kgubetswana township near Clarens started blockading roads with rocks and burning tyres. "They totally closed and barricaded the road with burning tyres and huge stones on the R711 between Clarens and Fouriesburg," he said. Police and public vehicles on the affected road were pelted with stones and damaged. "We managed to assist a kombi and a bus that were carrying members of the public to the ANC's centenary celebrations in Bloemfontein," he said. Mophiring said the protesters were still on the road on Sunday afternoon. "For now they are still there and we need to diffuse the situation...they are just blocking the road." Mophiring said the protest was seemingly caused by a lack of communication from the local municipality. "A group that one would say is not more than 100 people who started this [protest] had their own issues with [the] local municipality. Sometime last month they handed a memorandum to the municipality with given dates for answers. Answers never came forth so that's why they have the problem." Road users have been using alternative route.

One thing that stood out while I watched a little of the “we know how to waste your money” party in Bloemfontein was that while the ANC flag was everywhere and took centre stage, the South African flag was inconspicuous by its absence. So what the ANC are saying is that the SA flag is worth less than the party flag?

Another story from the press that I feel is typical of the current government. As always those in power who make the rules, don’t always abide by them......Its “do as I say and not do as I do”: Johannesburg - South Africa’s top traffic bosses, including no-nonsense Transport Minister S’bu Ndebele, are threatening a drastic crackdown on errant drivers. This while their vehicles have run up a raft of traffic fines in the past three years. Official records show that vehicles for which Ndebele and Collins Letsoalo, the Road Traffic Management Corporation’s (RTMC) controversial acting head, were the registered owners have been issued with 11 fines in Johannesburg and Pretoria. These are the two pilot areas for the controversial licence point demerit system. Two of the fines were cancelled. The details of the traffic infringements were obtained by Media24 Investigations as Ndebele and Letsoalo threatened to confiscate the driving licences of road hogs and speedsters against a backdrop of a holiday bloodbath on the country’s roads.

The traffic fines show a silver 5-series BMW registered in Ndebele’s name drove through a camera trap at between 146 and 150 km/h on the N1 North in Johannesburg in July 2010. Another speeding fine for the same vehicle, for driving between 96 and 100 km/h in a 60 km/h zone the day after, was cancelled. Ndebele’s spokesperson Tiyani Rikhotso insisted the minister had sold the BMW in June 2010 and had never driven it outside KwaZulu-Natal. Rikhotso said the fine was probably an error that lay with the dealership where Ndebele bought the vehicle, but he could not provide City Press with the name of the dealership. He could not say who paid the fine when the car was still in Ndebele’s name.

Letsoalo – whose job since February 2010 has tasked him with leading accident investigation, traffic enforcement and implementation of the points demerit system under the Administrative Adjudication of Road Traffic Offences Act (Aarto) – had nine fines issued against his vehicles between October 2008 and March last year. The traffic violations include five for speeding and four parking fines slapped on four different vehicles registered to Letsoalo – two silver Mercedes Benz cars, a white Isuzu KB Bakkie and a silver 5-series BMW. One parking fine was cancelled. Among the fines was one for R1 000 for driving between 126 and 130 km/h in a 100 km/h zone and R750 for driving between 101 and 105 km/h in an 80 km/h zone. Letsoalo insisted he was not the driver of the vehicles. “I’ve got a driver who takes me around and my wife drives all those vehicles. “My brother drives those vehicles, my cousins and sometimes my father; I’ve got a lot of people driving those cars. But what I do, like any ordinary law citizen, I pay all the fines under my name. I’m not above the law.”

Fine

Howard Dembovsky, chairperson of the Justice Project South Africa, which runs the independent Aarto information website www.aartofacts.co.za, said the fact that records showing both the speeding fine for Ndebele’s BMW and five of Letsoalo’s fines as “paid” suggested the two men had paid the fines themselves and had thus admitted guilt for the traffic violations. Dembovsky said it was not impossible that the new owner of Ndebele’s car could have incurred the fine pending the transfer of the vehicle into his name. However, he pointed out that prior to Letsoalo’s appointment as RTMC acting CEO, he had been a deputy director general in the national department of transport. “He is not some civilian off the street. He should live by what he preaches and I hope he is going to cancel his own licence in light of his indiscretions since he sees fit to threaten everyone else.” Dembovsky pointed out that 17 months after one of Letsoalo’s speeding offences was committed, the fine was still unpaid and no warrant of execution had been issued, as Aarto requires, suggesting that the system “is clearly not working properly”. (NO SHIT SHERLOCK)

Started work on Monday and must say felt like first day of school, I was running around on Sunday looking for my work shoes, making sure that I had all my items that I needed for work together. Monday morning arrived overcast and raining but it was good to see the team from work. Spent Monday and Tuesday in the office (I had assessments to catch up on)

Wednesday flew up to Gauteng for a 3 day Training conference in Centurion, have to say that the breakfast was perhaps the worst that I have ever had (see picture). While it was raining and overcast as well as humid when we left PE further inland the weather was lekker and I always enjoy looking down on my country and see what a diverse and beautiful country we have (especially from the air) the central parts of the country are dry at the moment. It was one of our colleagues 2nd only plane trip and its the first time she has been to Gauteng, so it was fairly exciting for Frauleen. A miracle happened with regards my luggage, it was first on the carousel, usually I am standing there for an hour after everyone has left before it makes an appearance.

I always get a giggle when I look over the safety brochure that British airways have for you to look at regards emergency situations on the plane, especially the plane hits water scenario (see picture) It looks like the passengers and crew are having a pool party and have not just survived a 37 000 foot drop out of the sky. I mean let’s be honest if a plane hits the water at 800kms an hour it’s not going to stay in one piece for long. When (or if) they find you, you will not be floating around the sea like you’re on holiday. The reason that the lifejackets are so bright is so that they can find the parts.

On Tuesday it was announced that Eskom would be load shedding again due to restraints in the network.................This in summer nogal. Wednesday morning on the news they had the boss man of Eskom who explained that 2012 was the critical year and that we as South Africans needed to assist Eskom in ensuring that no load shedding was in fact needed. He said that we should all attempt to save 10% on our electricity consumption as this will assist Eskom in ensuring that they do not have a energy deficit but also ensure that we as ordinary citizens do our part in reducing carbon emissions that in turn assist with the reduction of global warming , but wait are Eskom building the two biggest coal fired power stations in the Southern hemisphere?. Must say the spin Drs for Eskom are good as they have now basically pushed the onus on us.

In Gauteng a stampede at the university of Johannesburg saw the death of a woman (the mother of a student who had saved all her life to ensure her son could get a decent education) and others being critically injured. 10 000 people were trying to register for higher education with apparently only 800 places still being available for this late registration. Now the government is saying perhaps it needs to build more higher education learning facilities (about Frikken time). The ANC can spend R100 000 000 (rumoured to be actually R 400 000 000) cake and champagne but not on important things like schools, universities, hospitals, clinics etc etc .

Obviously everyone is blaming each other, people are saying the students are uncivilised, the varsity had same problem last year with crowd problems and should have done something this year to ease the problem, the government should not make a university entrance pass so easy etc etc. I decided to look into stampede’s (something we usually associate with cattle horses etc) and was amazed at how often they do occur as well as in what situations as well as countries (as its always assumed that the lesser civilised countries are the ones that have this phenomenon) Deaths from human stampedes occur primarily from compressive asphyxiation, not trampling. This is referred to as crowd crush. The compressive force occurs from both horizontal pushing and vertical stacking.

Earliest example of deaths of crowd crush (or recorded stampede) is 11 October 1711: 245 people were killed in a stampede on the bridge of the Guillotière in Lyon. This was caused by the coach of Madame Servient being in the middle of the bridge while many people came back from a fest on the other side of the Rhône. other examples that I decided to put in the blog are

· May 18, 1896: 1,389 people were killed and 1,300 injured in the Khodynka Tragedy, a crush of those desiring to get presents during the coronation of Russian Tsar Nicholas II

· December 30, 1903: The Iroquois Theatre Fire in Chicago claimed the lives of 602 people, many of whom died of crush asphyxiation in the rush to escape.

· 1943: Bethnal Green 173 people were killed as people tried to get into an air-raid shelter at Bethnal Green underground station, east London. Anti-aircraft fire reportedly frightened the crowd, causing them to run for the shelter. When a woman carrying a baby tripped on the stairs, others fell over her, triggering the crush.^[

· April 15, 1989: 96 people were killed in the Hillsborough disaster at the eponymous football stadium in Sheffield, England.

· July 2, 1990: A stampede inside a pedestrian tunnel (Al-Ma'aisim tunnel) leading out from Mecca towards Mina, Saudi Arabia and the Plains of Arafat led to the deaths of 1,426 pilgrims.

· January 13, 1991: At least 40 people were killed at a football match in Orkney, South Africa.

· April 11, 2001: 43 people were crushed in the Ellis Park Stadium disaster in Johannesburg, South Africa

· June 30, 2000: The Roskilde Festival disaster, in which 9 people were crushed during a Pearl Jam concert at Roskilde Festival, Denmark.

· August 31, 2005: 1000 people were killed in a Baghdad bridge stampede

· January 12, 2006: 345 killed at Jamarat Bridge in Mecca during the stoning of the devil.

· July 24, 2010: The Love Parade disaster, in which 21 people were killed and more than 500 were injured during a mass panic at the Love Parade in Duisburg, Germany.^[3

· November 8, 2011 - 16 people were killed at Haridwar, India during a religious ceremony in the banks of Ganges river.

From research it would seem that rock concerts, sports stadiums as well as Mecca are the places to avoid

While I was in Gauteng I popped in to see my friend and Author Paul Els as well as visit the grave of Daniel,Ponciano, Jose and Little Robbie I also got to see my folks and sister which is always a bonus when I am up that side of the world. The 55 km trip from the guest house between Centurion and Pretoria took me 1 and a half hours (yes 1 and a half) if I had a gun I would have shot people. My feet and calves were so sore from using the clutch and brake all the time.

Gabby started standard 8 on Wednesday (11/1/2012) after being on leave from 25 November and it would seem that she is happy with her teachers and her classmates, but then again it is still early days and being a teenager she could change her opinion almost overnight. Gabby is attending a big show next weekend, so hopefully she will do well.

Humidity hit the Eastern Cape with a vengeance this last week with discomfort levels reaching 120% a figure they did not even think possible., it was really uncomfortable for a few days (in fact reminded me of Durban humidity)

Friday we flew back home , plane was delayed due to heavy thunderstorms in Gauteng, so we amused ourselves by having a beer or two at the Keg and Aviator watching the travellers coming off the planes. We saw a lady in a wheelchair that looked like Stuey Griffin from family guy being pushed into the arrivals hall (I have never seen someone so small with such a huge head before). This is the first time I have flown with a female pilot, was a bit worried seeing that it was Friday the 13^th, flight was a little bumpy but otherwise ok, the decent however was a little (ok a lot) faster than I have experienced in the past and the trip to the parking bay was certainly faster, we had three Chinese duded in front of us and the airhostess had to explain to them what was for dinner by using hand signs (this is the beef sign). Had a good laugh at that.

SA Klapped the Sri Lankans in the 1^st ODI by 258 runs, SA scored 301 for 7 and the Sri Lankans 43 all out. It’s the 4^th lowest International ODI score in the history of the game and Sri lanka’s lowest ever total. The second test in East London the Proteas won by 5 wickets.

International news this week was the following

Porto Santo Stefano - Passengers from an Italian cruise ship have described people leaping into the sea or fighting over lifejackets in panic after it ran aground, killing at least three people and leaving many unaccounted for. Around 40 people were injured, two seriously, and rescuers were continuing the search for the missing after the Costa Concordia, with 4 229 passengers and crew, hit a sandbar near the island of Giglio off the coast of Tuscany on Friday evening. Officials warned that figures were extremely uncertain because of confusion surrounding the rescue.

Monday I start training for 3 weeks straight, Applying She Principles, Intro to SAMTRAC and Samtrac. So I am going to be busy busy busy.

Well that’s it for now, Have a great week

Ciao

SPAD

It May (an) Happen but then again it May (an) not.

2012-01-08T14:31:00.000+02:00

Th1s is the year that the Mayans predicted the world would come to an end, So what are the Mayan prophecies for 2012?. The Mayan calendar ends on December 21st 2012 – but why are so many people afraid of this date? What is the big deal? (Is it not possible that they ran out of stone or they felt that 2012 some thousands of years away was far enough?)

There are essentially 3 ways that people have translated what the Mayans predicted

1. The end of the Mayan calendar means either the end of the earth or doom for the human race. The level of cataclysm depends on the person, but the idea is that the end of the Mayan calendar is a bad thing. The ideas used to support this theory are wide and wild – everything from Nostradamus predictions to the NASA solar maximum warning. Recent credence includes the increasing instances of natural disasters.

2. The end of the Mayan calendar means birth and renewal. There will not necessarily be any kind of “event” – cataclysmic or otherwise. There will just be a new age for mankind and the earth. The Mayan writings seem to support this theory the most. There have been previous ages according to Mayan mythology and there is to be a fifth age beginning at dawn on December 22nd 2012.

3. The end of the Mayan calendar means absolutely nothing. This is the believe of the ignorant and the apathetic. The fact that the Mayan calendar means at least a new age is clear. Reaching the end of the 5126 Mayan calendar is an enormous event in the history of mankind and should be celebrated.

So who else has prophesied about 2012?

It is said that Nostradamus and the Hopi Indians have similar prophecies… It is said that the I-Ching (was that the inventor of the till “Ka Ching’s” younger brother?) prophesies and even NASA have 2012 doomsday prophecies. Is this true?

NO it is not. Nostradamus does have some great predictions that can be attributed to 2012. NASA has issued an article discussing potentially the greatest solar maximum in recorded history to arrive around 2012. The I-Ching and Hopi prophecies seem to be connected to 2012 after the fact – although I am preparing a new article that discusses that now.

But ladies and gents all those people are wrong and I am not concerned that the world will come to an end in 2012 because I know for a fact we are still around to at least 2015.....How does “Nostraidiot” know this............Easy having recently watched Back to the Future 11 Marty Mc Fly ( Michael J Fox) goes to the future and its 2015, that’s good enough for me. But just in case ( I like to hedge my bets), if you have seen the movie 2012 then you will know that the safest place to be on 21/12/2012 would be the top of the Drakensburg Mountains as this is reckoned to be a really safe place by the movie script writers. So methinks I will look at a camping holiday around that time.

This also reminds me of Y2K............................ remember the world was going to come to a standstill at the stroke of midnight 1999 as all the world computers would turn the clocks back and stop operating, it was predicted that planes would fall out of the sky, banking systems would crash, Nuclear missiles would launch themselves staring a nuclear holocausts. The Loonies of the world dug bunkers filled them with provisions and told the rest of us who had decided “hey lets party” that we were doomed and that when the dust had settled only a handful of people (mostly religious nuts or half breeds who sleep with their sisters would be the rulers of the world (what a horrible thought). So what happened , well at the stroke of midnight 1999 as we know the world carried on the loons crept out of their bunkers (and there were a few in SA as well, a family in Nelspruit springs to mind) and felt somewhat sheepish that the world was still running and they had not walked into a apocalyptic hell.

If today was your last day (great Nickelback song), what would you do. Not an easy question to answer because what you may want to do that last day and what you think other people will expect you to do could differ greatly. I have been accused as being 'gay" because I like Nickelback, good musicians who lately have been accused of being the best rocker band around but because they are seen as the best the Rock band scene is not as healthy as it should be...............This from a band called The Black Keys (ever heard of them?............No me neither)

No resolution this year, just decided that I am going to get fit and try and tone up the old body a tad. So with that in mind I started a exercise routine and will see how long it lasts. Really don’t want to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger now. (see picture and you will know what I mean)

My Wife and Daughter are part of the Blackberry generation, that’s the generation that BBM each other and don’t talk...............Well they are not that bad, not as bad as some of Gabby’s friends, but whenever you look up these days someone is on the “eye” pad , the computer or on the Blackberry sending out messages to all and sundry.

So after 2 ducks in the 2^nd Test seemed that a seriously pissed of Jaques Kallis arrived in Newlands and of the first day of the test effortlessly tonked 159 runs from the Sri Lankan Attack earning membership of an elite group of batsmen that being only the 11^th person to achieve hundreds against all 9 test playing countries He is also the second South African, after Gary Kirsten (current national coach and former team-mate Gary Kirsten) who by the way was the first person to ever complete this achievement. Both are Cape Town-born, and this city so nearly boasts a hat-trick of achievers in that regard: Herschelle Gibbs, now no longer part of the Proteas’ Test plans, failed by a whisker to do it. Ironically the only team Gibbs could not record a century against were the very Lankans - the closest he came against them was 92 at Centurion in 2002/03 before he was particularly unfortunately (given the statistical circumstances later to take root) run out! Kallis went on to score 224 before he was out just before lunch on day 2. With the Proteas winning their first Test series at home in 3 years I presume that old Biff will remain captain of the test team for some years to come.

With this being last week of leave (Shit it goes fast) spent as much time as I could at the Beach. Monday took a jog, Tuesday Ryan and I swam, while I was waiting for him I was watching the 12 Kite boarders that were using Sards that day (was a little windy). Actually spent most of the week at the beach, weather has been awesome. With the “Soppi Koppi’s” still this part of the world its actually amazing at what some people will wear to the beach, Here is a hint ladies and gents (but especially ladies) if your scale says ‘One at a time” when you get on it the you should not be wearing a two piece costume, in fact don’t get surprised if someone covers you in wet towels waters your blow hole and waits with you for the tide to come in so they can help you get back out to sea.

Busy reading another great book on General Custer and Crazy Horse, very interesting read. Ever since I was a little lad (many many many many many.............”shall I go on”? Moons ago)I have always been fascinated by General Custer’s last stand and would read anything I could about that fateful day, while in the States in 95 spent time in areas in the west that Custer would have fought against the Indians but unfortunately did not have the time to go to the site of the last stand in ???. what makes this book interesting is that it parallels Crazy Horse as well as Custers lives and gives great insight into Indian as well as Western society norms and taboo’s of the time as well as the politics.(See Blog “Head them of at the Pass” on the history of General George Custer) Must say always amazes me that the Aussies and the Yanks were such big voices against Apartheid yet they massacred their own native tribes. Here in SA the Black populations grew and grew and grew. Perhaps we should have had an Aussie or American President for a while?

On Saturday 7 January at Midnight JZ lit a torch in a church in Bloemfontein commemorate the birth of the ANC 100 years ago, Ironic that they should have been formed in a church, seeing that most of the Comrades are in fact Communists..............As can be expected they are throwing a huge party (at taxpayers expense of course) and every freeloading asshole is there to Quaff as much imported whisky and shove enough meat down their throats as they can, justifying the expense as “this is what the people would want”.........mmm perhaps houses, toilets, running water , schools for kids and hospitals with trained nurses and medicines are also on that list? Anyway I am sure they will get pissed , rum amok and rack up huge hotel bills. So today 8/1/1912 the ANC became a liberation movement.

I see that Julius “when will he shut the f#@k up” Malema has said that in 10 years he would like to see white domestic servants. Well let me tell you something you Frikken idiot, many whites have been doing their own housekeeping for years already, in fact some wealthier Blacks already hire White nannies and house-keepers Why? Well for one they know that the work will get done properly and they wont be stealing everything that is not bolted down........Yes I am generalizing as there are many very good domestics etc out there that are of the dark green persuasion. When will we ever hear the end of this Idiot ? News just in Juju is being investigated by the Limpopo police for stealing land (from a fellow African “nogal”) seems that Juju just keeps on trucking.

Well Xmas is over and this Festive season we managed to kill 1232 people (giving us a daily average of 39) for the period 1-31 December, must be honest not sure of that total is just from vehicle accidents or includes Darwin candidates that I mentioned in Blog last week that were sleeping on the road to get a lift. Wonder what the total is over normal months (can’t be that much lower as most drivers in this country drive like assholes anyway) and last year just about every time I went to EL there was someone lying on the side of the road that had been hit by a fast moving car.

Got a call from a good friend and owner of Clarens Brewery this week, was great to hear from Natalie and hear about expansion plans for the Brewery, they are moving from there present site to a new building that Bruce Marx built on the square. They will brew the beer there as well as sell it. Hopefully will get to see it when we go to Clarens this year for the 100^th Birthday. As I said to Natalie, the village cannot have its 100^th birthday without its Idiot being there.

Well one thing that I know is definitely going to happen tomorrow, I am going back to work. Xmas holidays are over and another year awaits. Let’s see what it brings forth, got a feeling that 2012 could be a good one.....................But like Nostradamus, the future predicting monkeyand the Mayan’s I have been wrong before. I fly up to Gauteng on Wednesday so will see the folks which as always will be lekker.

Have a great week

Ciao

SPAD

New Years Revolution

2012-01-01T15:37:00.000+02:00

So with Egypt in a spin again and protesters being shot by the very people that revolted for in the first place(go figure) and many other countries citizens up in arms over lack of civil rights or ?? in the economy one has to wonder how long it will take for a country in Southern Africa to follow suit? Sort of reminds me of that Mel Brooks movie were one of the courtiers tells King Louie the 16^th “Sire the peasants are revolting” and he replies “Yes they can be cant they” (or something to that effect)

Here is the list for late 2010/2011

2011 Iranian protests, 2011: 15-M movement in Spain, 2010–2011: Arab Spring Tunisian revolution, 2011 Egyptian revolution,2011 Libyan revolution,2011 Syrian uprising 2010–2011 Algerian protests, 2011 Bahraini uprising 2011 Iraqi protests, 2011 Jordanian protests, 2011 Moroccan protests, 2011 Omani protests, 2011 Yemeni uprising

So have you made a resolution for 2012 I made one just before midnight, I decided that I would not go into a toilet otherwise I may only get out next year.......you know what?................ It worked. Perhaps Sinhead O’Connor (a singer from the 80’s) should make a resolution to stay married to 1 person longer than 16 days.

Dublin - Irish singer Sinead O'Connor has ended her fourth marriage after just 16 days, blaming pressure and disapproval from the family and friends of her new husband Barry Herridge. O'Connor, 46, said on her blog that the marriage went wrong three hours after the December 8 ceremony in Las Vegas and that the pair had lived together for only seven days before splitting on Christmas Eve. "Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed (ruined) by the behaviour of certain people in my husband's life. And also by a bit of a wild ride I took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don't drink [sic]," the controversial singer wrote.

This got me to thinking (yeah had to sit down for a while after) about short marriages, so I Googled up the following.

· If you are talking about actual records - it stands from Sept 11th, 1976. A man and woman were declared husband and wife and then he dropped dead of a heart attack.

· A Polish couple in Hannover, Germany who recently created their own personal divorce rate of 100%. The deed was accomplished in less than 24 hours. Actually, more like three hours. In what could possibly be one of the shortest marriages in the record books, the couple had their marriage annulled just a few hours after tying the knot. Following a brief civil ceremony in the German town, the 50-year-old groom apparently decided to cut his new 34-year-old bride’s hair with a kitchen knife. She objected vehemently of course, and an irreconcilable screaming match ensued. Police responded and separated the pair, permanently. Both agreed to an immediate annulment and the short night of nuptial celebration ended in separate lodgings with a restraining order served on the husband. The quick turnaround from marriage to divorce probably saved the couple a lot of time and money in future court costs and property settlement negotiations had they prolonged their union, but they do enjoy the dubious distinction of having one of the briefest marriages in history.

· The honour for quickest celebrity wedding has to go to Rudolph Valentino & Jean Acker who Wed and split November 1919.The jury's still out on just how short famed lover Rudolph Valentino's marriage. After just six hours, the bride locked Valentino out of the honeymoon suite! He soon gave up and headed home. However, they didn't finalize a divorce until 1922.

· Less Than 24 Hours - Zsa Zsa Gabor and Felipe DeAlba
wed April 13, 1983 annulled April 14, 1983Zsa Zsa has been married an astounding nine times, many of them brief. But by far the shortest was this marriage. They got married on a ship with the captain officiating, but some teensy weensy technical details like the fact that they weren't in international waters, and she wasn't yet divorced from her seventh husband (WTF) meant that a judge annulled the marriage the next day.

· Britney “you can do me one more time” Spears who was married once prior to her much-publicized and ill-fated hook-up with Kevin Federlein. Britney and Louisiana childhood friend Jason Alexander enjoyed a two days of marriage back in 2004 until the singer’s lawyers moved to annul the marriage due to Britney’s “lack of understanding of her actions.” Total elapsed time? About 55 hours.

· 8 days Dennis Hopper (of easy ruder fame) and Michelle Phillips, wed October 1970, split November 1970

So what were the top celebrity weddings of 2011, the three that I can think of would be the wedding of Prince Willam and Gold digger Kate whatever. Then perhaps Graham “cant captain a cricket team” Smith and some Irish bint and then old man Ranier from Monaco and the South African Swimmer (wonder how long they will last........any guesses?)

Xmas day Lunch was very nice, Ryan and family came over to our place as well as Keith. Spoke to the family in Gauteng in the morning and the family in the UK where busy so did not hear from them till the 27^th. The weather was not so lekker, alternating between overcast and sunny, warm and cool, dry and wet but hey you have to maar get on with what you have, so we made the best of it. Must say Tania made some awesome Turkey and Gammon for cold meats and was nice to just chill for the day. So another Christmas has come and gone, only “plenty” days left to Christmas. I have now had 48 Christmases and each one seems to be getting here faster than the last one.

The 26 was for the most was a very nice day so as one does in PE when the sun is shining and there is no wind, you go to the beach. Sard’s was busy, so we just sat at the top of the Dunes and enjoyed the sun and the view. Later the weather turned and it rained with high winds.

I forgot that last week, the 22 was the longest day and shortest night so it’s all downhill from there, we will wake up in May and go “Oh shit its winter” as it will be dark on way to work and get dark early. Those living in the Northern hemisphere were going “o yeah, o yeah” as the days will start to get longer..............I cannot imagine how depressing it must be for people (especially those that have moved to the UK from Southern hemisphere countries) to see the sun occasionally over winter time, I mean you go to work in the dark (sun rises at 9am) and you come home in the dark (sets at 3pm), its cold and miserable. When the sun is out it’s like a CF 15 watt globe, in that it gives some light but does not do the job as well as it should.

Did some shopping on Tuesday 27^th – forgot that our benevolent leader JZ had made it a public holiday as well so it was pretty hectic out there even with a number of stores being closed. Bought myself a new book “My friend the Mercenary” and a pair of jeans, was looking for cargo pant shorts as well but nothing I saw was nice. ..............I am not a fan of buying clothes especially when its busy and I can never ever seem to find anything on the sales racks that I a) like b) will fit.

Whenever there is a big sale, it’s always the small and XXXXL that are on the racks so there is never anything to buy unless your anorexic or the size of a hippo. The styles and colours of some of the clothing leaves a lot to be desired and to be honest I am a tad old fashioned when it comes to colours and styles of clothing I don’t really want to wear anything with the waist around my knees and my underpants sticking out of the top. So the question I would like to ask those buyers of clothing for the big department stores why do you buy so many Small and XXXXXXXXXXXL items when all that you’re going to do is at the end of season put them on rack stick SALE signs up and watch the normal sized, non colour blind people patiently look through them.....................”Sick bastards”

Had a Blonde go off in the kitchen cupboard this week.................”Put that dirty mind away, it’s not what you think” A bottle of Clarens B;onde beer that somehow found its way in the dark recesses of the grocery cupboard exploded. Oh before I forget Gabby got a Belly Ring this week (with our permission) and it looks cute. Takes up to a year to heal properly, so let’s see what happens.

Thursday was an awesome day and after picking up Ricky in BWB (Blue Water Bay) we put up basketball net, I mowed the lawn (weedeated actually) and then spent a couple of hours at SARDS basking in the sun, snowboarding and snorkelling.

Can’t believe that I have been on leave for 17 days already (means only 8 days left of doing squat...............mmmmm better make the most of it), seems just like yesterday that it was my last day of work for the year.

Got a call from a really good friend and my ex-Boss, Dave Green, had a long chat about what’s happening in Clarens. Must say really miss Dave’s sense of humour, we used to talk shit while sitting outside Clarens Properties waiting for potential clients.

I have seen, heard and listened to many stoopid stories this year but this has to take the cake, it’s definitely a Darwin Award.

Johannesburg - Two teenage boys were killed when a car drove over them on the Vereeniging road near Potchefstroom on Thursday, North West police said. "The two were allegedly hit by a speeding motor vehicle while sleeping on the road about 20km outside Potchefstroom," Lieutenant Colonel Lesego Metsi said. The two, aged 16 and 17, and two other friends decided to sleep on the road in the hope that motorists would offer them a lift.

They were hitch-hiking from Potchefstroom to Boipatong in the Vaal area. A black or charcoal VW Jetta with unknown registration plates, travelling towards Vereeniging, drove over them, killing two instantly, around 03:00. The other two were unhurt. The driver apparently only stopped to pick up his licence plate before fleeing the scene. The names of deceased were being withheld until their families had been informed. (Now is it me or are the rules of the road the following...........Cars use roads and pedestrians don’t sleep in the middle of them, well at least that’s what the rules were when I got my driver’s licence or did they change them and not send me the memo?)

Friday morning took Gabby to the riding school and then did a little sand boarding at Sards. Later that day went to Barney’s with Tania, Gabby and Ricky at the beachfront and had a couple of Charles Glasses, took a walk on Shark Pier and saw a stingray as well as a sand shark swimming amongst the bathers. Had a walk around the boardwalk and went to see the temporary ice rink they have set up and charge R50 00 for 30 minutes a serious rip off. Can’t believe that parents would fork out that type of dosh.

New Years eve I took a short yet "fast" bike ride to Seaview a mere 20kms from the house ,we then met up with Ryan and dad at Sards and what we thought might be a coldish and overcast evening turned out to be awesome, we sandboarded, swam, body surfed..............some awesome waves and generally had a lekker time, only left the beach after 8pm, went home then watched Adele at the Royal Albert Hall (she is one awesome singer) and then we went to the Beachfront (Tania, Gabby, Amy, Stephen and I) to watch the fireworks display, which was awesome 20 minutes of non stop light and noise. Again it was an awesome evening, warm, no wind and just lekker. Took us an hour to get home as it was so busy. Came home watched a movie and went to bed.

Well this is the first Blog for 2012 and let’s hope that this year is not as shitty as last year (we can always live in hope) Oh by the way last week I said I wanted the Blog hits to be at 12000 well its now at 12000 + so thanks to all you poor sods who have read through the KAK this year. Hopefully next year I can top that. Don’t think that over 1000 hits a month is too bad.

Happy New Year to all of you, May 2012 be everything that you all wish for and deserve. No new year’s Resolution for me except I will predict that the Dunkley/Brewerton/Mather clans may get a new cousin/Nephew/Niece...................Just a feeling.

Ciao

SPAD

Zany stories from 2011

2011-12-31T10:09:00.000+02:00

Among offbeat and zany stories from the year just about to end are the following..................."Enjoy"

- The bad news for a group of employees in a Canadian technology company was that the firm was closing down and laying them off. The good news, received the same day, was that 10 of them had jointly won the equivalent of 7.1 million dollars in the state lottery.

- Faced with a school ban on boys wearing short rather than long trousers in hot weather, a 12-year-old British pupil registered his protest by showing up in a skirt.

- A woman in Sicily who had put off paying a three-year-old parking fine got a shock when she opened a letter telling her it had shot up to 32,000 euros, including interest. An absent-minded official had typed in the date of the violation as '208', rather than '2008', and the computer had done the rest.

- Following a trend set by Knut, a cuddly polar bear cub, and Paul, an octopus that was touted for predicting World Football Cup results, a German zoo promoted Heidi, the cross-eyed opossum. Alas, the squint-eyed marsupial died in the course of the year, but not before her photo had drawn millions of laughs on the Internet.

- Also in Germany, an enterprising cow named Yvonne escaped from a herd about to be slaughtered and spent three months evading both the police and the media in the southern region of Bavaria. When caught, she was given refuge in an animal sanctuary.

- A French government minister got his fingers in a twist while using the micro-message Internet site Twitter both for personal and public missives. "When I get home, I'm going to bed, exhausted. With you?" Eric Besson tweeted - in a message received by his 14,000 online "followers".

- Fans of the local football team in the southwestern French town of Dax were bemused when their website was attacked by hackers sending them vengeful messages in German. The protesters had mistaken it for the official site of Germany's main stock market index, the DAX.

- At a press conference during a visit to Chile, Czech President Vaclav Claus could not resist an elegant pen that was lying on the table in front of him. A video showing him slipping the instrument into his jacket became a viral hit on the Internet.

- British power stations recorded one of their biggest surges in energy demand ever just as live TV coverage of the country's royal wedding was drawing to a close. Engineers attributed the excess to around a million people putting on their electric kettles at the same time to make tea.

- The central Asian nation of Uzbekistan organised a key university entrance exam for all students on a single day. Just as the event began, the country's five mobile phone operators shut down all text-messaging services, citing "urgent maintenance" but in fact nipping in the bud any possibility for students to use them to cheat.

- Radio listeners in Israel heard their foreign minister, Avigdor Lieberman, being interviewed from the comfort of his home. As the interview ended, they clearly heard the sound of his toilet flushing.

- A poverty-stricken 75-year-old woman in the Caucasian republic of Georgia cut off all Internet access in both her home country and neighbouring Armenia when she inadvertently sliced through a cable while foraging for scrap metal.

- A huge electronic counter set up in London's Trafalgar Square to provide a 500-day countdown to the start of the city's Olympic Games not only stopped functioning, but started going backwards.

- A young girl in Australia who used an Internet site to issue an open invitation to her 16th birthday party had to cancel it after 200 000 people said they were coming.

- A Dutchman who drove his expensive sports car at almost 300 kilometers (180 miles) an hour on a Belgian highway was caught because he couldn't resist putting a film of the exploit, along with pictures of the speedometer and commentary on the type of car, on the video sharing web site "YouTube".

- A 36-year-old woman in Italy filed for divorce just a month after getting married. The reason: her new husband had insisted on bringing his mother along on their honeymoon.

- Chinese TV viewers thought there was something familiar about a sequence on the news supposedly showing the country's warplanes going through their paces. And there was: it turned out that the footage was from the hit US film 'Top Gun'.

- A group of white doves released from the Vatican during a sermon by Pope Benedict XVI refused to play their roles as symbols of peace. Rather than soaring up into the air, they simply flew straight back in through the window.

- A man arrested for credit card fraud in South Korea was found to have kept a detailed diary of a long career of burglaries, containing the addresses of houses he had broken into and details of what he had taken. His home also contained many of the stolen items.

- Students attending a class on human sexuality in a Chicago university found themselves watching a real life demonstration involving a naked man and woman and an electric vibrator.

- The organisers of an arts festival in Australia were red-faced when a huge helium-filled balloon sculpture representing clouds was torn from its moorings and soared off into the sky.

- Attendees at a United Nations meeting were bemused to hear the foreign minister of India waxing lyrical about Portuguese-speaking countries. It was only after speaking for three minutes that he realised his text had got mixed up with that of his Portuguese opposite number.

Ciao

SPAD

"Soppi Koppi”

2011-12-25T11:09:00.000+02:00

The Binnelanders (the inside grounders is the literal translation, but means people who live in the interior of a country) invasion of PE has begun with the number of foreign number plates (GP. MP and FS) having significantly increased in the last couple of days, the fact that cars are now doing u turns, driving at 12 kms per hour and just stopping for no apparent reason also tells us that outsiders are in our midst. At least they can’t walk 4 abreast down the middle of the road like they do in Clarens.

What is a “Soppi Koppi” I hear you ask well it’s from the Afrikaans “pasop jou kop” or in English “mind your head” as this is what the dads in Clarens told the kids sitting on their shoulders as they walked into a shop, this was then colloquialized as here comes a “Soppi Koppi” and you then knew that that person was not a local.

I made up some flyers for the Binnelanders using our beaches this year, thought I would share with you

1)Don’t swim in the sea - More than 99% of shark attacks happen in large expanses of water, also known as oceans. AN easy way to tell if you’re in an ocean or not is to taste the water- it will taste like salt 2) Swim alongside fat people - Make sure you always have a fat person next to you in the water, odds are you will be able to swim faster than them thus increasing your chances of escape. 3) Sun block - replace the sun block of the person next to you with BBQ rib sauce. 4) Don’t go in the water without a knife - as soon as you spot a shark start stabbing the person next to you and as soon as they are bleeding swim away as fast as you can. 5) Listen carefully - every shark has a theme song - if you hear da-dam da-dam da –dam then swim for your life, If its fast like this - dadam dadam dadam then stop swimming – you’re screwed.

Seems that this gent was lucky and did not follow any of the rules that I suggested above, however he was in a kayak fishing so perhaps I need to set some new rules for those people as well.

A Kayak angler has survived to tell his own shark's tale after one took a nip out of his boat, the Herald Online reported on Thursday. “The shark came from underneath me, the same way it klaps (hits) a seal. I never saw him until it happened," Werner Coetzee, 35, told the newspaper about the encounter which took place just off Noordhoek in Port Elizabeth just before dawn on Wednesday.

Coetzee said after the great white shark emerged out of the water it knocked him and the front of his boat so hard that he was flung up into the air. "I have a Pinnacle kayak which takes a big punch, but he knocked me and the front of the kayak about 2.5m minimum out of the water,” he said."My kayak and all my tackle weigh 38kg and I weigh 102kg - so you can imagine." Coetzee said when he landed back in the water, his kayak landed next to him but upside down.

"That was when I saw it was a shark. It was about four metres long. He was just a few feet away from me, biting into the front of the kayak."“We eyeballed each other and I saw him change his attention from the kayak to me." Coetzee said he then started pulling himself onto the hull of the boat. “I lay there for about a minute, although it seemed like much longer, waiting for the next hit. But it never came.” Coetzee said the shark moved away - probably because he did not regard the fibreglass the kayak was made out of as a delicacy. "He obviously didn’t like the taste of fibreglass and that is why he moved off.” Coetzee said two of his fishing rods and his sunglasses had not been as lucky as he had - they disappeared during the attack.

Spent a “lui lekker” (lazy nice) week collected a gym on Monday and had some tea with Ryan etc.................A gym you say what you going to do with a gym? Well I am going to get Buff so I can look like Arnold Schwarzenegger (oh hang on I already do, I mean have you seen pictures of him lately?) that’s why I want to exercise. Tania says I am having a midlife crisis as I want to get fit, I seem more interested these days in sports cars (especially cabriolets) and want to get a tattoo.........maybe she has a point.

Tuesday was a trip to Sards with gabby and a few of her mates, wind was a tad “breezy” but we had a pleasant enough time sand boarding and getting sandblasted. A couple of spectacular wipe outs by myself and another guy called Stephen had the onlookers laughing as we ploughed up the sand with our faces. One wipe out I landed on my ass so fast that I thought I had spent the night with Bubba (not a lekker feeling I can tell you). you may think that you cannot pick up speed on a board down a sand dune, but let me tell you it all depends on the following 1) how well you have polished the bottom of the board 2) how steep the sand dune is and last but not least how far you lean back to pick up speed. You can go from 0 - 60 faster than it takes for a Los Angeles cop to pepper spray Rodney King Rest of the day was taken up chilling by the pool and sucking down a millers or two (okay it was 3)

So Kim Jung (whatever) the 2^nd , the dictator of North Korea died suddenly, no one seems to know why. Well the Village Idiot may not be a Dr but I do know that lack of breath is usually the reason. All I can say is that its not been a good year for dictators, tyrants and terrorists - Bin Laden, Gaddafi Bob (ok he did not die but he was seriously pissed at the Nando’s advert) and now Kim Jung, just show you that becoming a despot cannot be a good “Korea” move, get it “Korea/Career” move.............Yeah I know “assume the position” Barrack has done soooo much better than GW Bush in ridding the world of dictators. Not that he had anything to do with 2 of them but I am sure he will take the credit, after all its re-election time soon. I see that the Yanks left Iraq on Tuesday and by Thursday the rag heads had stated to blow each other up (65 dead)..........”Ah well you can take democracy to Iraq but you can’t make them like it”, watch this space the Kurds and the Sunni Muslims will be killing each other at regular intervals and Iraq will slide back into the days of the Stone age................like it or not they need a dictator to keep them in line.

By Thursday the shops in PE were pumping with a capital P. We went shopping for last minute items and for Xmas lunch in the morning and I swear that shops put the prices up of produce on purpose over the festive season. I mean R18 for 6 lychees “are you Frikken serious” Gabby wanted some Cherries so we took a handful (was 300g) and cost R40............WTF, Gaby was told to eat them sloooooooooooooooooowly.

Friday woke up at 10am.............yeah I know lazy sod. Rest of the day was taken up by going to a couple of shops and then just chilling, Tania baked for Christmas day and Gabby worked on her Bitch Book.......Don’t ask.

Christmas eve day (Saturday) I again woke up at nearly 10am then took a leisurely stroll to Walmer mall (about 1.5 kms from the house) to buy bread that we need for Xmas lunch. The mall was pumping and it’s amazing to see how many people leave Xmas shopping up to the last minute........Xmas trees, decorations, toys etc etc. Must say was a nice festive atmosphere to the mall with a number of people dressing in red or wearing Santa hats or antlers (each to their own). On the walk back it struck me that while our Northern Hemisphere cousins are used to shopping in outdoor markets I do enjoy the fat that on the walk back to my house at the side of a busy road you can buy wood, fruit, Nguni cow skins, Bali sarongs, wooden garden furniture and even bongs. Tania and Gabby prepped for Xmas lunch and I drank a millers or two.

Had Xmas Dinner at Ryan’s with the family and then today we woke up (not sparrow’s fart for a change........that’s one joy of having a older kid and we don’t work in the hospitality business anymore), we don’t have to get up early cause Santa has arrived. Opened pressies spoke to the family in Gauteng and then got ready to host the family for Xmas lunch. Must say while nice to have the PE family here we did miss seeing my Family in Gauteng and Nicole, Doug and Amber who are in London.

Seriously pissed off with Post Office, the parcel we sent to the family in Gauteng they will only be able to get next week as the post office they use is classed as an outlying (read too small to bother about) and the parcel we sent is now waiting in Germiston to be dispatched, my dad offered to go and fetch it but that’s not allowed.

Hoping to have 12000 hits on the Blog by December 31^st, so tell any friends out there that want to broaden their horizons to read the Blog.

Anyone who reads this Blog and lives in London here is going to be industrial action on the underground so don’t go on the tube on Boxing day in the UK otherwise you could be standing on the platform with your finger up ur ass till new years. Was apparently 11 degrees in London on Thursday (thanks “Acudoug”), reports of island dwellers running to the nearest common or park and stripping to skivvies, socks and sandals were rolling in all day.........we celebrate Christmas in July they were celebrating Summer in December.

Why is the 26^th of December called Boxing day (In SA Boxing day was re-named Day of Goodwill in 1994) is it because all the family get together on that day, drink and end up boxing each other? Nah not for all families, let the Village Idiot educate you...................... Traditionally, 26 December was the day to open the Christmas Box to share the contents with the poor. In the UK many poorly paid workers were required to work on Christmas Day and took the following day off to visit their families. As they prepared to leave, their employers would present them with Christmas boxes. During the late 18th century, Lords and Ladies of the manor would "box up" their leftover food, or sometimes gifts and distribute them the day after Christmas to tenants who lived and worked on their lands. (Wow that was so nice of the Lords and Ladies of the Manor). In Southern Australia the 26^th is called Proclamation day, in Namibia its Family day and in Ireland Boxing day is also known as St Stephens day.

So who was St Stephen you may well ask, well again let me edumacate you all Stephen lived in Rome and was the first man to be killed for believing in the teachings of Jesus. His story is told in the Acts of the Apostles 6: 1 to 8: 2. Some people claim that he shares this day with another St Stephen, who came from Sweden. St Stephen of Sweden is the patron saint of horses. You may also have heard of the Christmas Carol “when good king Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen”?

This cartoon was published 1n 1999 that’s 12 years ago and the question as my good friend Danie asked on his Facebook page is ......”So what has changed”

So to end let me take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a Very Merry Christmas or as they say in Talugu: మెర్రి క్రిస్మస్ !!

Ciao

SPAD

We speak with forked tongue.

2011-12-18T18:27:00.000+02:00

Johannesburg - The African National Congress has offered to help President Robert Mugabe's ruling Zanu-PF win the next elections in neighbouring Zimbabwe, press reports said on Sunday."We are willing to assist in coming up with election messages and strategies that would deliver victory," ANC secretary general Gwede Mantashe told Zanu-PF's annual congress Saturday in Zimbabwe's second city Bulawayo, The Sunday Times reported."It is important for Zanu-PF to regain lost ground and continue to represent the aspirations of the people of Zimbabwe," he was quoted as saying. Observers voiced surprise at the offer, since Mantashe has frequently criticised the autocratic rule of President Robert Mugabe, 87, who has led Zimbabwe since independence in 1980. So what do the ANC want ?? Bob in power or a MDC in charge..........this is the kind of statement that Juju got into trouble for.

I see that another Shaik syndrome has reared its ugly head------------ “Pretoria - Disgraced former police chief Jackie Selebi, taken from prison to undergo tests on Monday, is in a "quite serious" condition, his lawyer said. Selebi's visit to Pretoria's Steve Biko Hospital was to do with the medical condition he suffered when he arrived at Pretoria Central Prison a week ago, Wynanda Coetzee told Sapa."It's quite serious," she said. "It will not get better."

I have a couple of questions is his lawyer also a Dr? And if so he must charge a fortune. also why was it that he looked the picture of health until he got the verdict? If he gets a medical parole he can go and play golf with Shabir. Sick my ass he is just scared of geting shagged by Bubba.

I see that Mr. “I did not kill my wife” Dewani is also using the Shaik syndrome defence so as not to get extradited from the island to SA................ “Think of something original bro”. Saw a T shirt the other day that said “Dewani Tourism..............Holidays to die for”

With one South African drug mule (Janice Linden) being put to death by China this week, it was not a day later when a Eastern Cape resident ‘Babsi Nobanda was apprehended by Thai officials for attempting to smuggle 1.5kg cocaine into that country in her dreadlocks. Thai officials spotted white powder in her hair and she was stopped. Apparently over 600 South Africans have been arrested this year for being drug couriers. I have no sympathy whatsoever for Linden or any of them for that matter..........They peddle death they must reap the consequences of that. Surely you understand if you smuggle drugs into a country that has the death penalty for that crime and you get caught the chances are that they will actually go through with the sentence. An excuse that’s also bandied about is that “they did not know what was in the case”.......................

BULLSHIT surely if you are approached at the airport and offered $10 000 to take a suitcase through customs then an alarm bell or two must go off and you say to yourself... “this is too good to be true” that’s because it is. And you just have to know that the Chinese will not bow to anyone, especially South Africa, we may have granted the chinks black status so they can benefit from BEE but they don’t take shit.....So drug mules take the execution of Linden as a warning, take drugs to China , get caught you are going to die.

In Belgium this week (That peaceful country in Europe, you know that continent where everyone flees to because it’s so safe).............. “Liege - Nordine Amrani, the lone-wolf gunman who died after killing four people including a baby in a crowded Belgian square on Tuesday, had a long criminal record but not one of mental instability. The 33-year-old Amrani was well known to police before he went on the rampage in the eastern Belgian city of Liege, opening fire on families shopping for Christmas and youths leaving end-of-year school exams, also wounding more than 100 others before his own demise. (our prayers and thoughts go out to those who lost loved ones and to the injured).

Forgot to tell you last Blog but last Sunday was driving down the highway at 120 and passed a car were the woman was driving and feeding a newborn baby all at the same time (and who said women cant multitask).

We have a pool league at work and I managed to finish top of the league, but only just, we usually play on a Thursday when most of us are in PE, sometimes we are spread far afield, while we are not experts by any means our games have improved somewhat and must say I really enjoy Thursday pool afternoons.....With a beer or two of course.

Friday 16/12/2011 was a great Summer day in PE (was snowing in London, that according to by Brother in law over there “Its always fun” when it snows........well each to their own) Anyway I digress, mowed the lawn and then went to Sards (Sardenia bay) took the sand board for a test drive and its really not that hard. It was also opening of season in PE, so we met up with Ryan and the clan at Hobie beach to watch them send a lot of R up in smoke.

Saturday was another awesome day and after taking Gabby and Ricky to Blue Water Bay at 8am, so they could be at work by 8.30am Tania and I then chilled, relaxed by the pool and watched cricket, later watched a DVD and then went for a pub dinner and a couple of drinks at Barney’s with a walk around the Boardwalk after. Had a steers ice cream and have to say it must be the fastest melting soft serve I have ever had the displeasure to eat, thank goodness it was not 30 degrees out there otherwise it would have ended up as a puddle on the floor before I got it anywhere near my mouth.

Scored 2 x R400 shower heads on Saturday, ‘Free, Gratis and Verniet” as they say in the Classics, Eskom were swopping old shower heads for better water flow, use less electricity shower heads and due to the fact that I have probably assisted in a few of their directors being able to buy beach houses for cash I though “what the hell” if its free I want 2.

The Protea’s wiped the floor with Sri Lanka in the 1^st test , by day 3 it was all done and dusted, that ensures Sunday is not another lie on the couch and vegetate while watching cricket. Woke up late today (Sunday) and then Tania and I did some Xmas shopping at the local malls, must say was not as busy as I dreaded it would be, but still busy. Was in Boardman’s looking for stuff and came across the Jamie Oliver range of pots, pans, plates, wine glasses etc etc............Frikken expensive as well I may add, did he invent those items ?.....NO he just put a red dot on the pan and moved the handle 2 inches to the right and now wants to charge a fortune for the privilege.

Have started with book again (The Phantom of the forest) will I ever finish it you ask ? well to be honest I don’t know, I get all enthusiastic and then stuff happens and I get sidetracked, who knows hopefully one day it will be for sale in a book shop near you.

This weekend was the Clarens Jubilee, fun, music and beer at Ricks place, its become an institution and wil look up the story I did for the Speckled Spleen when I was writing articles for it, thats before I told the stripper she could not spell and was asked to Go..................But thats not another story, its another book, check out some of the older Blogs from 2009 you may get what I am talking about.

My dad is in Ethiopia at the moment on business, told my mom that Addis Abbaba (Capital of Ethiopia) is like any major city in the world, bustling, high rise buildings world class hotels etc, but the outskirts are not so lekker. He flew up North to see the mines that he has to do work for and says that the countryside is interesting. He is staying at the Sheraton Hotel and I believe that its very luxurious. Next year he is on the way to Australia for another job that the company has got.

Sunday afternoon met up with Ryan and the clan at Sards and had a lekker time, snorkelled , sand boarded, body surfed and threw the Frisbee, must say have had an awesome 3 days of weather and hopefully it will continue.

Well that’s about it for the week, Next Sunday is Christmas day so there may or may not be a Blog, we shall have to see. So only 6 shopping days left to Xmas 2011 (Shit this year has flown).

Sent by my friend Jeanelle.................... “I decided to burn some calories today............so I set a fat kid alight”

Have a great week

Ciao and “Tata Hoer”

SPAD

By the numbers

2011-12-11T16:23:00.000+02:00

So I thought (yes I do think at times) that I would give you some fun facts that have to do with numbers, dates or percentages before I get to the Blog this week.......”Why” you ask? Well mainly because I don’t feel like taxing what’s left of my last brain cell. Sort of feel like the Salticrax advert...........I only have one brain cell left for the year and I need to ?? it as best I can this last couple of weeks of 2011.

90% of poison exposures occur in homes, 480 hours is the current world record for non-stop rocking in a rocking chair (some people have too much time on their hands), Nails grow 1cm every 100 days, 1845 is when the first chewing gum factory was established, 1964 was the year that self adhesive stamps were issued, It takes 12 years for Jupiter to orbit the sun, In 2010 11.3 million tourists visited South Africa.

41 is the number of years that Fred the oldest known goldfish lived to, The average person takes 10 000 steps a day, The Hawaiian alphabet only has 11 letters, 10:1 is the ratio of termites to humans on earth, the most expensive cow was sold for $1.3 million, A Orca whale can hold its breath for 15 minutes, There are 30 000 schools in South Africa (not all are functional have books, desks or teachers but that’s beside the point), in 1931 Harley Davidson and Indian were the only two American manufacturers producing commercial motorcycles, in 1500 the yoyo was used as a weapon in the Philippines.

118.1 decibels is the loudest burp ever recorded, A Boeing 747 - 400 has 6 000 000 parts (a tad scary when you think the people making the parts usually have given the lowest quote to make the part/s), 3900 metres is the length of the world’s deepest mine (it’s in Carletonville, South Africa), the tin can (for preserving food) was invented in 1810, 500 000 tons of dog crap is deposited in the streets of Paris annually, the Slinky toy was invented in 1946 and 250 000 000 have been sold to date.

A Penguin can jump 1.83 metres in the air, 7 Billion (yes Billion) hotdogs were eaten in the USA during summer (that’s about 818 hotdogs per second) , In 1675 the then king of England (whoever that was) banned coffee houses as he claimed people met there to conspire against him, 80% of the brain is water, instead of being relatively solid (that actually explains a lot), the average life of a taste bud is 10 days, 72 muscles is the number needed to produce human speech, it takes 500 years for plastics to break down, 5 million puppies are born in the USA every year, A leech has 32 brains (who knew?), 250 people have fallen off the leaning tower of Pisa (lent over to far perhaps?) 40% of McDonalds profits come from the sale of Happy Meals, A dog has 100 different facial expressions, most made with the ears, And a bee must visit 4000 flowers to make one tablespoon of honey( no wonder it’s so Frikken expensive)

The good news for the week is that I have been signed off to present SAMTRAC, which is a 10 day management course, must say was hectic, but thanks to the encouragement of Ryan work colleagues and other family members I managed to survive and be found Competent (I know me being found competent is a strange concept to some of you but miracles do happen). I have come a long way in 18 months and its not been easy. To be honest I have been a real dick this year and not been the best person that I could have been so 2012 I have many bridges to mend.

We delivered the presents that we collected for the MTR Smit children’s home this week and I think they were gobsmacked that we had not only managed to get every child there a Xmas present we in fact managed to get each one what they wanted for Xmas, but not without hassles I must add............ some of the clients who took Xmas tags did not come up with the present (even after repeated request)...’SO WHY TAKE THE TAG IN THE FIRST PLACE’ is the question one asks.

This weekend was the IRB 7’s in Port Elizabeth with the Bokke losing the final 26/31 against the All Blax. Didn’t get to go to the 7’s as Ryan could not make it and the weather was so Kak on Friday with the wind blowing so hard on Friday night that I thought the house would get blown over, so I decided to clean out the garage instead (yes I know what you’re thinking) . Saturday arrived with overcast weather but then the sun came out and it turned out to be an awesome day. Must say that lately the weather has really been shit in the Eastern Cape.

Pirates my South African football team won its first Telkom knock out challenge last night (Saturday) beating Bidvest Wits 3-1 at the Moses Madiba stadium in Durban, apparently 70 000 supporters attended the game. Well done pirates another trophy for the cabinet.

Gabby has got a job at a restaurant in Blue Water Bay, her boyfriend is the manager there so when she is that side of the world she will be working. Good for her to earn ,money and se that R does not just appear from the heavens.

Today (Sunday 11 December 2011) took all the crap we chucked out of the garage to the local dump, tried to get the Triumph to start (giving me hassles), put up dart board on the patio and marked a stack of HIRA papers that have been waiting for my attention. Weather reverted back to being overcast and miserable in the morning but got better during the day ...................Think that is what this summer is going to be like.

Next week is my final week at work for the year, then its holidays until the 9/1/2012, don’t start working as have to fly up to JHB to attend a training conference for a few days. Must say my Battery is seriously flat and this holiday could not come at a better time. I have bought a 2^nd hand sand board so this season we will be trying out hurtling down the many large sand dunes near the house and hopefully not do too much damage to ourselves (will keep you posted)

So be good boys and girls, don’t forget to think about those less fortunate than yourselves over this festive season and there is only 13 shopping days left to Xmas day.

Ciao

SPAD

Déjà Vu

2011-12-04T14:19:00.000+02:00

Monday I get to work to start with day 1 of SAMTRAC and at 8.45am Ryan and I are informed that the gent who presents SAMTRAC in El is sick and has lost his voice, so one of us needs to get our asses to El to present the course. ..........”not going to happen in 15 minutes” was my immediate reply, so to cut a long story short I presented day 1 of SAMTRAC PE and then flew to EL in the afternoon to present day 1 and 2 of SAMTRAC on day 2................Nothing is ever easy for old Dunkley. Remember doing this a few months back when was asked to go to EL to present SAMTRAC day 1-3 due to the trainer there being sick. Got a NC (non conformance) for that assistance, but this time the presenter sat in so he could sign me off on the 3 days that I did in EL.ust be the first trainer to have presented day 1 twice on the same week to 2 different groups in two different cities. Had to fly to EL as was quickest way to get there. Before I joined NOSA I had not flown in years but since then I have been flying around the country on a regular basis.

As always enjoyed staying at Tindale Lodge (If you ever find yourself having to go to East Slumtown/East London then you have to stay at Tindale Lodge) with Carl, had dinner on Monday at Ocean basket..............etc etc , but Tuesday was just awesome a Crayfish and steak Braai was the order of the day, I can’t tell you when I last ate crayfish.........I was like a kid in a candy store, must have had at least 12 tails......”YUM YUM YUM”. Not to mention the steak, chops , wors and a Millers or two.

Flew back on Thursday to present day 5 in PE on Friday, it was pouring down with rain when we had to board the plane (twin prop turbo that cruises at 500kms per hour) SAA Air link....................or Scare link as I like to call it. Why is it that they always park the plane that you have to board when its raining the furthest away from the airport terminal? Surely they could park it right at the terminal door after all its East London we are talking about not OR Tambo. During the flight water started to drip on my head from the bulkhead, I am still hoping it was the aircon unit that was leaking and not the plane.............I was too scared to ask.

I see JuJu (Julius Malema, just in case any of you have been in space for a while)has or wants to become a farmer as he has 20 cattle, well that’s a good thing because if he is going to become a Boer 0farmer) perhaps he will encourage his delinquent followers to stop singing the song ‘Shoot the Boer” because he could be the target of their affections.

The gent that last year spilt his drink on Jacob Zuma was fined R8000 on Tuesday for the offence, seems that he was leaning over a balcony at some horse race last year (Durban July) and he spilt some of his whisky as JZ was walking past.............was seen as assault on the President by the judge and he received a R8000 fine a suspended sentence and I think he has to attend AA classes.................MMMMM not sure that I am happy with a judgement like that, especially if it was not done on purpose.

So Bryce Lawrence (that F%$*&ing cheating ref) won the NZRU referee of the year award...........”should we be surprised”? Hell no, after all it was his KAK refereeing that enables the All Blax to play Australia and get into the final were they just and I mean just beat France. Apparently his guide dog was the runner up.

Some other news for this week would be the following.

1) We have nearly collected all the presents from the wish list tree at the office for the kids at MTR Smit children’s home, it’s just so awesome to see the tree with all the presents underneath (see picture.............how cool is that)

2) Ryan (my brother in law/Brother is now the training manager for the Eastern Cape, well deserved promotion and think he will do a good job.................Yep its a tad strange that he is my boss, but hey Shit happens as they say in the classics and I have had and done my time as management, now I just want to earn a decent salary and do what I do best................train.

3) Saturday afternoon Ryan and I went to a local pool bar and had a few games of pool, Ryan had a coke or two and I had a “lemonade” or two (“read Black label draughts”) Must say was nice to spend some time with Ryan out of the office, as we have not done so for a long long time, but with Xmas holidays coming up, hopefully we will get to a lot of stuff together.

4) Went to a local mall yesterday and they had the newest SLK Merc on display, just out of curiosity I asked the well heeled salesman what the price was , as he looked me up and down as one does when a really poor person asks you a question...............he replied “its only R734 000, to which I replied “quick as a wink” “is that with the cash discount or not”? That car is nearly worth as much as my house...............Oh to be filthy rich. Also saw at Game (now part of Wallmart) a sign outside the door that said if You need assistance with the wrapping of parcels then just ring the bell and someone will come to assist you.............’Guess what”.............”Yeah no Frikken bell”

Sunday (today 4/12/2011) is my dad’s birthday and last time this year we were in Gauteng for Christine’s wedding (Christine is my Niece) and to celebrate my dad’s birthday on the same day..was a Lekker weekend.

Today Tania and I went to St Georges park to go and have a look at the market that they have there and we picked up a couple of books and Tania scored a Salad spinner at a fraction of the price of a new one................Gotta love it when you go to a market and you find what you’re looking for and at a good price.

Some of you may have read articles on the Blog when I first got to PE about Prince Alfred’s Guard (a local military unit) well today that had a wreath laying ceremony at St Georges at their monument, just by chance we were there and for once I had my Camera with me, so I took a few photos.

Next weekend is IRB World Sevens at the Nelson Mandela bay Stadium and Ryan and I will be attending, should be great and now I can also say have been to a IRB world 7’s tournament, not as many people in stadium as Twickenham had last year (Doug attended that one) as the Stadium only holds 48 000 but should be a blast never the less.

Well that’s about it for this week, have to prepare for Week 2 of Samtrac and see if my daughter is going to be at home anytime in the near future, its holidays, so she is sleeping over at Friends and going to different places. Tomorrow she is going to Storms River with her boyfriend and his family.

to end off this is what a Q7 Audis rim looks like after the wife has hit a pothole at One Hundered and Plenty kilometers an hour......Ouch, thats going to cost a few Rand".

Have a great week and remember only 20 shopping days left to Xmas.

Ciao

SPAD

Whats wrong with this picture?

2011-11-27T20:03:00.000+02:00

So the ANC have managed to push through the {Protection of State information bill) , a little late for Mr. Maharaj I would say. So what does this mean to the average South African?

Well it means that reporters, newspapers as well as other media will be ?? and that means those that are corrupt, enrich themselves by robbing the poor or are sex pest or other deviants will be safe from exposure as “whistle blowers” who have the public interest at heart will be liable to jail time. So who will this bill protect..................Well Dodgy politicians that’s who! That means no accountability and no transparency from our politicians who have been very busy stealing whatever they can with no protection, can you just imagine what they will get up to with no one blowing the whistle on their nefarious activities....................Ah well not much I can do about it so why worry.

Well this week was in EL for most of the week, had to ride through on Tuesday afternoon after training and got back to PE very late Friday after I had finished training. Weather was ok, for both rides, had rain over the 3 days I was there, but that’s not too bad. Not really much else happened other than on the way I saw my first ever “Pineapple jacking”..............Yes Pineapple jacking. As I was coming around a bend I had to swerve to avoid a pineapple, then another then another, as I came to a long uphill here was a kid sitting on the top of a large lorry throwing pineapples onto the side of the road (some ending up on the road). Obviously they wait for the trucks to slowdown on the uphill’s climb on the truck and grab what they can.......reminded me of the scene in mad max one were the Nomad bikers are stealing petrol from a fuel tanker.

That was the last time that I will be going to EL for the year, must say while perhaps still not my favourite place on earth it’s starting to grow on me, absolutely love staying at Tindale Lodge, the owners Carl and Glenda are just awesome and its really like home away from home. This week I trained at the Blue lagoon Hotel (on the Larney side of EL) it’s on the Nahoon river and some really expensive properties as you can imagine line its banks. I had a 500ml draught at the Blue lagoon at R21.50 and the day before on the way home popped into the nearby country club and the same beer was R 11.50..............WTF a R10 difference, I don’t mind paying a little extra for drinking in a Larney place but that’s just taking the piss.

Sat morning woke up and my initial thoughts were ‘what’s wrong with this picture” ...........it was hot, the sun was shining bright, the skies were blue and surprise surprise no wind. The perfect way to start Gabbys’s 15^th Birthday. To start the day we had Cake and T with the PE family, Gabby got calls for the Gauteng family and then it was off to the beachfront so Gabby and Ricky (her boyfriend) could meet up with a few mates at the Super tube place, we also hit the beach and played some American football (nearly died) and then we had a goof and caught some waves(first swim of the season). Tania and I had a drink or two at Barneys and the kids walked around the boardwalk, we met them on the Pier and then it was home to get ready for supper....................Sushi for Gabby and cooked food for the rest of us. All in all a pretty good day.

Sunday was the Toy run (20^th Anniversary) but it pissed down with rain and I decided after arriving at the gathering point that I would not go to the Stadium. A good decision as it rained most of the day.

Talking about 20^th Anniversaries on Wednesday it was the 20^th Anniversary of that all time legendary front man of Queen ......Yep Freddie Mercury........can you believe it that 20years have gone by since his death, seems like just a few years ago. I don’t know about any of you but Queen were probably the best group that ever graced a stage and I had the privilege of seeing them at the Sun City Super bowl in the 1980’s.................What a show.

Well that’s it for this week, next week I start SAMTRAC, hopefully by 9^th December I will have done enough to have been signed off to present this 10 day management course, which will hopefully mean a promotion and increase.

Seems that the Poms are getting upset with foreigners stealing jobs from local lazy Poms at the rate of 12 000 a month and that 1.2 million young Brits can’t find jobs , well here is a simple idea, if you did not let in thousands and thousands of people from countries who your empire once ruled over (Australia, South Africa, New Zealand etc etc) and give them jobs over your own residents then perhaps you would not have that problem, does not take a genius to figure that one out. Or why don’t you stop paying the Frikken dole and that would mean that people would actually need to get off their asses and get jobs and not leave them open for people escaping their own countries. Look after your own people first , if there is still some pie left over then share it.

I got a call from a real good friend in Clarens the other day, he was chuffed because he had won a legal battle regards a business deal that went sour in Clarens, so well done bro.

Have a great week.

Ciao

SPAD.

Getting Blown in PE

2011-11-20T19:00:00.000+02:00

“Take your minds out of the gutter, it’s not what you’re thinking”............I am talking about wind for which Port Elizabeth is world renowned cause when it blows here you nail shit down. While I have experiences high winds on a number of occasions over the last 2 years that we have lived in PE (Ok nearly 2 years) but yesterday had to take the cake. Dropped Gabby off in Blue water bay about 20kms from our house to visit her boyfriend. Tania and I then went to Barneys at the beachfront for a drink. We decided to sit outside to watch the waves go out to sea, but I digress.

I ordered a castle draught and as I took a drink the wind actually whipped the beer away from my mouth and disappeared into a seagulls gullet. The chairs were moving around the patio by themselves and one lady decided to open the menu only to see the menu paper disappear into the bay, as I write this there is probably some Ukrainian seaman wondering who sent him the take away menu from Barney’s.

This week I was in East London, rode back on Tuesday afternoon and surprise surprise it did not rain, was not to windy not to cold. Did manage to shred the bikes back tyre so had to put a new one on. R1700 later.......”yeah bike tyres are expensive” Wednesday and Thursday I co-presented SAMTRAC with Ryan, hopefully this will give me help to run my sign off course in a week’s time.

Had a Braai today and its was windy again, so much so that I had 3 apache Indians knock on my front door wanting to know why I was insulting the dude who’s name you shout when you are pulling the rip cord of a parachute..................”you know Geronimo”.......................(SMOKE signals ok now you get it)

Next week is also hectic, Monday and Tuesday doing training at the office, Tuesday afternoon ride to East London, do training till Friday then back home.

Next Saturday is Gabby’s 15^th birthday..............Shit where have the years gone? Then on Sunday is the 20^th Toy run at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium, so we will be going to that.

The 2^nd Cricket test is not as yet decided at the moment it’s finely balanced and tense with SA or Australia having a chance to win it on day 5. If SA does win then it will be the first time they have won a home test series against the Aussies since the 1970’s.

Anyway not much else to say so have a great week.

Ciao

SPAD

Lesson in Socialism

2011-11-19T12:46:00.000+02:00

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan".. All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A.... (substituting grades for dollars - something closer to home and more readily understood by all).

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F. As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. To their great surprise, ALL FAILED and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.Could not be any simpler than that.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read and all applicable to this experiment:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?